Friday, October 31, 2008

Suction Cup makes Bathroom Sex Stable. Awkward.

The "Shower Power" is a giant suction cup that you can stick to any smooth surface, and creates a handle to better facilitate the awesomeness of your intimate encounters. Be it in the bathroom, the shower of the girl's locker room, or in the back of some featureless white van that no one even bats an eye when you rent despite the number of "watched" lists you are on, The Shower Power will help you get the job done.

I have sex in the bathroom all the time and I don't need this. My lady knows what to grip just fine on her own. And I don't necessarily mean to imply that my "lady" is my hand, but if you take it that way then that's on you, my very sleuthy perv-friend.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

"Fuck You" Umbrella is a Bad Idea.

This umbrella was made with this specific intention of pissing off God. Because that always seems like a good idea. He/She doesn't have a history of fucking people up when they make Him/Her angry. When your biggest piece of propaganda is a book that spends the first two chapters talking about how you like to decimate humanity indiscriminately, you are too bad-ass for me to pick a fight with you.

I think a better plan would be to just beat up some blind orphans. That way you can still anger The Almighty, without standing in a rainstorm holding, what amounts to a lightning rod, should He/She decide you are being too "dicky".

Besides, it would be's not like they would know to duck or anything.